I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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