Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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