Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
