At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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