My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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