you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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