I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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