I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
420 ftw
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
