Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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