i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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