She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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