It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
