awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
