I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
