Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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