I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
