i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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