I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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