Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
