FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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