Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
