well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
