That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
