before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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