i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
