You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
