hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
