I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
