Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
