My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
