she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
