Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it hurts more in the daytime
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
