I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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