I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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