another moral hangover. fuck.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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