i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
