he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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