I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she looked like the before picture.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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