also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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