Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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