Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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