Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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