i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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