Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
