u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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