He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
