My Higher Power is John Stamos
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
