Im at strip club and am horny
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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