OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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