Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
