During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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