I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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