my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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