he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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