If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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