I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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