Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
