Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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