Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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