my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
