i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
