if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
