No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
