Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
