i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
