I want to make a zoo with you.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They took my balls.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
