do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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