i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i barfeds in our rink
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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